Funny Stories of Parents Breaking Own Rules
Swearing
"I was driving with my kids in the car and was almost hit by a driver making a very stupid maneuver. I responded by angrily saying 'Oh, now look at this f---ing guy.' My 3 year old son then continued to repeat that phrase for about a month, any time we were in traffic (Thankfully only in the presence of me). It was hard to correct with a straight face." -PonyJetpack
"I once 'tooted the horn' to get another driver's attention to let them out into traffic ahead of me. When my then, 3 year old daughter heard the horn, she asked, 'Daddy, is he an a--hole too?'" -Yall-Crybabies
"So I'm picking wife and son up from the beach since parking is expensive. As I'm trying to turn around on this public street, these two young hellions are on bikes riding too close to my car as I'm in reverse. I say, 'these kids should be more careful or they're gonna get hit one day.' My son says without a beat, 'yeah, they're f---ing turkeys.' We were dying for a bit and told him not to say that word. Secretly I was proud he put that one together. It was exactly what I was thinking. He's a chip off the old block." -PeterVanNostrand
"While watching TV, my 4 year old told us she was 'super sorry for being a crazy b----.' We explained the bad word, and told her she didn't do anything wrong. Then we laughed about it. We watch our language at home now." - Tinyasparagus
"Well, we didn't punish him for this but our 3yo was playing with a barbie doll at playcenter, and this conversation was overheard: 'what's this goldilocks? you wanna have some bread? you're stealing the bread goldilocks? I'M GONNA F--- YOU UP GOLDILOCKS.' About a week after that he was DESPERATE to use his knife and fork to cut up his potatoes for dinner himself, and we heard a quiet 'f---ing Jesus' from his high chair as he struggled with his cutlery." -cromulent_weasel
Harboring pests
"I once caught my youngest son (about 3 at the time) peeing in the corner of his room...right next to the wastebasket and sort of behind a bookshelf. When I asked him why he was doing that when there was a bathroom 10 feet away, he said he was 'watering the ants.'
Confused about what ants and why, I went over and peeked behind the bookshelf. And I found the ants. And the half donut he'd swiped and shoved back there. Along with various bits of candy, a slice of bread, and most of a chicken nugget. Apparently, he had seen an ant and decided to cultivate his own little ant farm in his room.
It was so absurd that I had a hard time holding it together while explaining to him that the ants would do just fine without feeding them and pissing on them." - southernbelladonna
Buttering the dog
"How about this, ready? When my boys were two and three, they buttered our dog. Each kid got ahold of a stick of butter and they were buttering her from snoot to tail. Ever try to catch a freshly buttered chihuahua ?
The best part: They did this twice in a six month span." -ibrakeforsquirrels
Talking about strangers too loudly
"Walking through the capital building with my then four year old son when a man on crutches with one amputated leg got into the same elevator as us. My son said, in stage whisper, 'Mom, what happened to his leg?'
The man heard him and kindly said that he lost his leg a year ago. My son didn't miss a beat and said 'Did you check between the couch cushions? My mom says she always loses s--- in there.'
I was appalled. The man, on the other hand was laughing so hard he was crying." -mainlyforshow
Accidental body shaming
"My 4 year old introduced my dad to her teacher by saying 'this is my grandpa and he has a BIG BIG BIG BELLY CUS HE EATS TOO MUCH PIZZA!' My dad was embarrassed and her teacher tried so hard to keep it together. Kids are fun." -BaileysFromAShu
"I'm a big man, and my 4year old daughter said to me the other day, 'daddy, you're big and fat!' I told her that while true, it's not a nice thing to say that to someone. She replied, 'but I was being nice! I love how big and fat you are because you give good hugs and cuddles, you're so soft to lay on!' Melted heart." -hiddencountry
Flipping the bird
"My boss has Red Sox season tickets. She gave me a pair so I could bring my then 10 year old son. We ended up on the 'dance cam' on the big screen and my sweet baby boy decided to flip Fenway Park the bird." - Iluvablondemexican
Inventing creative insults
"My 4 year old had been raised with the fact that 'booty' and 'shut up' are bad words. One day he was mad at me, and called me a 'booty shut up.'" - Tinferbrains
Peeing their pants to get what they want
"One morning we awoke to find our 2 year old boy covered head to toe in urine because he had removed his diaper. So while bathing him, our 5 year old girl asked if she could take a bath too. It was a weekday and we were all running very late getting ready for work and trying to get the kids to school on time. We explained to her that there was no time and the only reason he was getting a bath was because he peed his bed. She then went to her room, laid down, peed herself and re-emerged in the bathroom to say 'Can I have my bath now?'
I absolutely lost my s***, laughing uncontrollably. Mom was not so amused. I made pancakes and we all played hooky. We're separated now, and this is still my favorite memory of when things were good. Thanks for this post." - BeenBearclawed
Throwing a toy out of the window
"When my 22yo son was a little dude, the Uncanny X-men was our favorite cartoon. Burger King was putting X-men toys in their kids meals. We went through a drive-thru to get some, but he was too young and they gave him a Snoopy doll. His sister got Wolverine but he got Snoopy and he was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed. He hucked it out the window and yelled 'THROW SNOOPY IN THE FIRE.' We all still say that sometimes when we're mad. Flight delayed? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Drop the maple syrup? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Find a scratch on the car? Throw Snoopy in the fire. Great mood leveler." -someoldbroad
Putting the dog on a diet
"My very well fed dog decided on this particular day that all the food in the auto feeder was his. He would eat when he pleased and when he wasn't hungry he would lay down next to it and protect it from being eaten by his sister.
My 3 year old goes up to him and says 'get away from your food, you fata--!' I was dying. That is what I was thinking but not something I was going to say to him." -wow_pretty_colors
Washing their hands in pee
"My son, who was 1.5 years, followed his 5 year old cousin to the toilet. My son has always been fascinated by a stream of piss and i had to hold him back when he followed me to the bathroom. On this particular trip with his cousin though....all we heard was 'Marcus stop...marcus stop!' We went to the bathroom and saw Marcus washing his hands in his cousins stream of piss, while his cousin is moving around trying to stop Marcus whilst absolutely pissing everywhere. That will be a good story to tell when he's older!" -aurelieus
Repeating words for attention
"I was this kid in this situation, but when I was about 6 I learned the word horny. While Shopping in target I asked my mom to explain the meaning of my new word but she refused. To which I responded by screaming 'HORNY HORNY HORNY' in the middle of target until she told me. My small mind never thought that the answer could be anything not related to antlers." -rrt098
Drawing inappropriate artwork
"My youngest got suspended from SafeKey (after school care) for drawing anatomically [in]correct bats during Halloween week. The kids were supposed to be decorating the lunchroom.
He was in 1st grade and insisted that if bats are naked, their penises would 'hang low' during flight.
Mortifying convo with the lead SafeKey lady and principal, followed by a trip to the library to look at bat books.
I hung his bats up with his brothers' Halloween art at home." - HardRockDani
Prank calling a teacher
"When my oldest daughter was in third grade, I was picking up my youngest from preschool. All of my kids had gone to the same preschool, so the teachers know all my daughters. One teacher pulled me aside. She was stifling laughter and said she just wanted to let me know about something that had happened.
My oldest had left a voicemail for the owner. It came from our home number. My daughter pretended to be me. She said, 'hi, this is IWantALargeFarva. I just wanted to let you know that middle daughter poops and farts. And she picks her butt. And youngest daughter farts. They're really smelly. And they smell like poop.'
The teachers all thought it was hilarious. The owner has been a preschool teacher for almost 40 years. (She was actually my husband's preschool teacher.) In all those years, only my daughter had the balls to prank call her.
I had to hold it together and reprimand my daughter for making a prank call and being inappropriate. I had to call my husband and give him a heads up so he could get all the laughter out before he got home from work." - IWantALargeFarva
Making a mess
"When my boys were around 2 and 3, I tried to take 37 seconds to pee by myself. Wrong move. When I came out of the bathroom, the boys had taken Hershey's syrup, spread it all over the living room carpet, and were riding their little battery powered four wheelers through it, saying it was mud. The carpet was about 2 months old. That was the end of my 37 second pee breaks.
Edit to add: they were so little and so cute and having so much fun mudding, that I was mad, but I couldn't be that mad...." - MadMadGirl
Coloring on themselves
"Bought my son (4 years old at the time) a set of colored markers. That night I walk by his room and see his light on. Open the door and see my boy almost completely covered in green marker. Face, arms, have, legs, feet, and torso. He said he wanted to look like the Hulk. I made him take a bath immediately. When he got in the tub, I saw that he had also colored his 'peepee' and butt green as well. I had to keep the stern serious dad face going while inside I'm laughing to death." -CoSlayerXXX
For more great stories, head to INSIDER's homepage .
Keep reading
Source: https://www.insider.com/funniest-things-kids-punished-for-reddit-2018-7
0 Response to "Funny Stories of Parents Breaking Own Rules"
Post a Comment